i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
