I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
