So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize
