Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
only you would photoshop your dick
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Can I color on your dick again?
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
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