I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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