its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
