who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
