is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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