textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Hello my rib-scented angel!
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
