Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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