Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Randomize
