Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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