And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
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