Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
