Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
