I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
