Your tits are I can't wait for
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Well I just put wine in my tea
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
