So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
