I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize