My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
