So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
