Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize