Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
