if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
i now understand why vodka
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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