i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Randomize
