Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize