Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
