trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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