um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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