YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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