I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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