I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Randomize
