My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
its liver damage thursday
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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