It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
