plz talk dirty to me
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Randomize
