TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
