In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
