I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
