How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
