everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Randomize
