Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
