I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I deserve this hangover.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
