she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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