I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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