Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize
