I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
