I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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