There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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