Yo dont text me then not text me
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Randomize