So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I will be naked everywhere
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
