the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
