Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
