My boss' voice literally gives me gas
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
