Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
