Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
