oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Randomize
