Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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