Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
