Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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