I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
