Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
