if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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