If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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