he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
