I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
