Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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