member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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