i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
if only i could text you this smell
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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