If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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