I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
