You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
my shit smells like andre
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
