my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Randomize
