so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Randomize
