a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
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