Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
