Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
